Any mum of a child, born with a health condition, will tell you how strong her instinct is to protect, it helps her baby survive. As mum of a poorly baby, you are forever parenting in situations that are frightening and new to you, often this makes you unsure of how best to be ‘normal’ with your child. In all honesty, what’s normal about endless appointments, a host of professionals aware of every aspect of your life or having to put your child through all sorts of medical procedures and treatments?
Mum never gets help to manage. She just gets on with it because after all, she really wishes it was her going through all that. There must come a point though, where coping and endless surviving can’t happen anymore and mums like me, end up ill. As Clarissa makes Michael step up and stand on his own two feet, it’s also time for me to feel sad for all I’ve been through, but also to celebrate the fact I got us here and because of that we can all move forwards and enjoy life again.
Accepting that I’ve suffered heartache and been brave in moments where I’d wished I could run away, is hard. I’ve often said since Mike, your exterior gets thicker, but inside hurts so much more, that unless you’d been here, you couldn’t even imagine. You live for those moments where everything is the ‘normal’, that moment Mike has a tiff with his brother or the time you go for a week without three hospital visits.
Life could never be the same again, but I can now step away from protecting Michael as I have, and just parent my son.
